HEALTH

HOW TO SURVIVE A MEN'S ROOM ENCOUNTER WITH A PERVERT

Are perverts in to you?

By JOHN DIGGLER
Real Man Magazine, Sex and Bathroom Correspondent

ith all due respect to George Michael, what in the world is the attraction of having sex with strange men in a public men’s room?  O.K.  That’s a rhetorical question.  As straight men, we have no freaking idea.  But I pose that question as a prelude to the story of my encounter with a peculiar bathroom cruiser a few years back.

I was at Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas with my wife.  I excused myself and went to the men’s room to take a pee, while she waited nearby.  It was a huge urination factory, with perhaps 40 urinals lining both sides of the walls.  The bathroom was empty when I entered.  I proceeded to walk about halfway down the room, to perhaps the 12^th or 13^th urinal, figuring these urinals were less used and therefore I’d have to worry less about getting splash-back from some hepatitis-inflicted drug addict’s urine. 

As I’m doing my business, a young Asian guy comes in.  He doesn’t stop at the first or second urinal.  He doesn’t even go to the urinal on the opposite side of the room.  No.  The bastard walks right up to the urinal next to me.  No freaking kidding.  And that’s exactly what I said to myself as I caught his perverted mug out of the corner of my eye.  I said “you’ve got to be freaking kidding me”. 

Disgusted, I very gradually and methodically turned my head to make eye-contact with him.  He had this greasy, slimy look to him.  You know, kind of like that Martin Short character Ed Grimley on Saturday Night Live, or like a guy who just ran Vaseline through his hair and all over his face.  I’m thinking,  "this guy’s got to be some kind of freaking pervert”.  Sure enough, when I tried to make eye contact with him, he looked me in the eye then he started to glance down at my balls, which of course were hanging out of my pants in all of their glory. 

Now, I can’t hold that against him.  I mean, I’ve got really nice balls.  Anyone would be attracted to them.  However, I think it’s only proper etiquette to ask permission to stare at one’s balls, rather than just assuming that it’s perfectly acceptable to just go ahead and look.  Frankly, it’s just plain rude. 

Nevertheless, I looked him in the eye with an expression of anger and disgust, and very forcefully told him, ‘No’.  That’s all I said.  Just one word:  ‘No’.

CONTINUED - SURVIVE A PERVERT

Back to More Bathroom Humor Articles