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MOVIES
CAN GIRLIE MEN (OR WOMEN) REVIEW MOVIES FOR REAL MEN?
Sure they can - and the tooth fairy leaves quarters under my pillow
H |
ave you ever watched a highly rated film, as reviewed by the New York Times or some other pompous metro-sexual publication, only to find the movie an incredible piece of crap? I know I have. Why the disconnect?
First of all, how many real men do you know who are hired as film reviewers by TV, magazines, or newspapers? The answer is probably… none. There aren’t any. At least not any I’ve ever seen or read. (My apologies to any real men out there who do review movies. You probably reside in ‘fly-over country’ and don’t get published to the same extent as your metro-sexual brethren.)
In any event, how can these reviewers possibly speak for real men, when in fact they’re metro-sexuals, homosexuals, and/or women? Answer: they can’t. They don’t know us and they don’t know how we think. And even if they did, they’re more concerned with what they think than what you think.
Now, they think they know how we think. They believe we’re a bunch of primitive, unsophisticated, three-toed sloths who can’t tell the difference between a Bordeaux and Burgundy. O.K., they might be right about the wine. But I bet they couldn’t tell a Bud Light from a Coors Light. Generally, they not only scoff at people who don’t think like them, they go out of their way to show their contempt and disdain for them.
The editors are also the problem. You know, the guys who send these people out to review the movies? Let’s take a movie by Schwarzenegger, Stallone, Willis, or someone similar. How in the world can a 25 year old Manhattan woman, or a 33 year old San Francisco homosexual, or a 41 year old New York metro-sexual possibly properly review a movie like the Terminator, Rambo, or Die Hard movies? They can’t.
Can they appreciate the words and the actions of the macho characters? Of course not. These reviewers will usually mock the motives, language, and actions of these characters. Can they appreciate the explosions, the chases, the cars and trucks, the guns, the fighting, the voluptuous vixens, and the violence? Of course not, again. They don’t get it. In their minds, they don’t understand why men need to use violence. They believe all problems can be solved by just sitting down with the villain, opening up, and discussing each other’s feelings.
How can a young Manhattan woman for example, possibly appreciate the blood, guts, violence, electronics, and war as depicted in the Terminator movies? She can’t and she won’t. Instead, she might tell you that the terminator showed no sensitive or feminine side, or had no feelings, so she couldn’t relate to him – you know, like the guys that they know and dominate in their daily lives.
Also, don’t get me wrong. I’ve got nothing against women, metro-sexuals, or homo-sexuals. As a matter of fact, I love women. But I just don’t think like them when it comes to movies (or a lot of other things). Also, we need these people to review wimpy, sissy, artsy movies. Because, by the same token, we can’t have a real man reviewer going out to review Sleepless in Seattle or My Best Friend’s Wedding. I mean, how can a macho, rugged man possibly give a review that would reflect the perspective of a woman or metro-sexual?
It’s true many of these reviewers will occasionally like a manly movie. But even if they do like a movie where men act like men, it still won’t get the raves that a movie like Brokeback Mountain gets, where the men are gay.
Today’s movie reviewers will tell you that they’re professionals and are objective and so on. Don’t believe them. They have built-in biases that they can never get around. Everyone they know thinks like them, and no one they know thinks like you. As a matter of fact, I bet they don’t even know anyone who owns a gun, hunts, fishes, camps, rides a motorcycle, drives a truck, works with their hands, owns power tools, likes sports or any number of other things that a real man might do.
Instead, they surround themselves with people who spend their free time going to a showing of abstract art (you know abstract art, the kind of art that a child could draw? I kid you not. There’s a controversy going on in the art world right now about a child who drew a bunch of abstract paintings, and people are debating whether she is a genius or just drawing like a child. But I digress…). They may also go to the ballet, go to a Broadway show, or read the latest issue of New Yorker magazine. Now don’t get me wrong. There are plenty of real men who appreciate art, enjoy a good play, and read upscale magazines. My point is that these reviewers generally don’t have much in common with most real men.
So view all of the reviews you read of action or violent films, or any films that portray real men as, well, real men, with a healthy shot of skepticism - because they aren’t speaking for you. If you want to go see a good chick’s movie, take their advice. They know the good chick’s movies. If you want to go see a good real man’s movie – talk to a real man.
©2008 www.realmanmag.com
