BIGGER BALLS MEAN A BIGGER WALLET

Real men make more money

By ROBERT HUGHES
Financial Correspondent, Real Man Magazine

LONDON, England (UP) -- Researchers at Cambridge University discovered that men with higher testosterone make more money than men with lower levels of testosterone.  They measured testosterone levels of male traders for a week.  After each trading session the researchers tallied the profits and losses.  When the results were in, a clear trend had emerged:  the higher the testosterone, the larger the profits.

The researchers embarked on a similar study in New York City.  They wanted to ensure that their results were not influenced by culture, market conditions, and other factors which may be unique to Britain. 

The researchers noticed an interesting trend in Manhattan:  the New York City traders were much less masculine than their British counterparts.  The Manhattan metro-sexuals had significantly less testosterone than the English men in the study.  They noted that many of these men actually cried when they were pricked with a needle for a small blood sample.  Others screamed out in pain or ran off holding their ‘injured’ appendage.

The researchers observed an odd occurrence during their week long study in Manhattan – in addition to the oddities observed above.  While the men they measured with the low testosterone were quickly losing money, during one session the researchers noticed a female trader who was having a very profitable session.  She agreed to participate in the study.  The test results astounded the researchers.  The woman, known to her colleagues as ‘Butchy’, had almost twice the level of testosterone as the men.  She told the researchers that the findings didn’t surprise her.  “All of these guys are girlie men.  Heck, my grandmother has more testosterone than most of these guys”, she said.

The researchers concluded that testosterone is a critical factor in the ability to predict who will be more profitable as a trader.  Those with money to be managed would do well to let a masculine, rather than a more feminine, man handle their nest egg.

©2008 Real Man Magazine