SPORTS

IS PHIL SIMMS THE WORST NFL ANALYST?

If not, he's close

 

F

or all I know, Phil Simms is a great guy.   He might be kind to old ladies, animals and small children.  He might do incredible charitable work, and be a great husband, father, son, and brother.  However…

 

What in the world is this guy doing as a premier NFL analyst on a major television network?  The guy is simply horrible.  Just awful.  I know there are a lot of horrible analysts and announcers out there.  But I’m singling Phil out because he’s on one of his network’s ‘A’ teams.  He’s supposed to be one of their best.  The other guys who are doing the Dolphin’s / Raider’s games are in training or having tryouts.  I expect them to be awful, and they usually are.  But Phil is their primetime analyst.  He’s supposed to be great – or at least good.

 

When I’m watching a game, I expect the analyst to offer some insight.  I want him to tell me something I didn’t already know.  I want him to break down a play and show me why something worked or didn’t work.  I want him to give me some perspective that only a coach or a football veteran knows.

 

I don’t want someone to tell me what I just saw.  For example, if a defensive end sacks the quarterback, I don’t want the guy to tell me “The DE comes around the outside and sacks the quarterback”, as the replay shows the DE coming around the outside and sacking the quarterback.  I mean, what’s that?  That’s not analysis.  That’s like putting up some words on a screen that I can read myself, and having the analyst read them for me.  Why not just put a mannequin there in the booth next to Jim Nance?  Its analysis couldn’t be any worse.

 

I want the analyst to tell me why the DE was able to get to the quarterback, why the QB didn’t or couldn’t avoid him, why the Guard or Tackle didn’t block him, what technique everyone used, why the QB didn’t get rid of the ball sooner, what the QB may have been thinking, how the QB could have avoided the sack, etc.  In other words, tell me something I didn’t already know.

 

In addition, I can’t count the number of times during each broadcast that Simms can’t even complete a sentence.  He chimes in, we’re expecting some sort of ‘insight’, and instead we get "you know Jim, the inside linebacker needs to run through, or around the, I mean behind…”  And then he loses his thought, or he pauses because a new play has started, or he chokes under the pressure.  Who knows what happened. 

 

The point is that he can’t seem to deliver any serious analysis or insight, or even complete a serious in-depth thought.  We get thoughts that are seemingly directed at young children.  He comes across as a complete buffoon.  I’m amazed that he’s able to put his headset on by himself.  Now that I think about it, I bet someone in the booth has to help him put it on.  And that guy in the booth who has to do it is reading this right now and saying to himself ‘finally someone understands the crap I have to go through with this ignoramus.’

 

I’ve heard about guys who turn off the television set volume and turn on the radio broadcast, because the guy on TV is so annoying.  I’ve never come close to actually doing that before.  However, I’m almost to that point with Simms.  In reality, I’ll probably never do that.  I’m getting too much entertainment out of laughing at the nonsense that comes out of his mouth, and of course I get some perverse pleasure out of complaining about it.

 

What were the producers thinking when they hired someone like this to analyze a game?  That he’s good?  That he has a knack for analysis?  That he’s witty and insightful?  Or perhaps they think that they’ve invested too much time and money in him and are just praying that he gets better.  Well here’s your answer fellas:  ain’t gonna happen.

 

Also, what is the deal with his ‘PHILosophies’?  You know, those infamous words of wisdom that Simms provides at the beginning of each game that are supposed to be the keys to each team winning the game?  Have you ever seen such juvenile thoughts on football?  He’ll offer up gems like: “In order to be successful Jim, they’ve got to run the ball effectively, avoid the big plays on defense, and not turn the ball over”.  No shit Phil.  Why not just carbon copy that bit of genius and use it every game of the season for every team.  Can you try making your PHILosphies a little more obvious?  Why don’t you just say “they need to score more points than the other team”, because that’s on the same intellectual level as your other PHILosphies.

 

Let me just leave you with a few quotes from the man himself.  They speak louder than anything I can offer.

• “The Panthers run unique, different plays”
• “I remember one time, playing for the Giants, when we were playing the unbeatable Dallas Cowboys, they were 8 and 1.”
• "He can load it up and put some weight in his pants when he wants to.
• “I haven’t thought about it.  I’m not capable of deep thinking”.

See you on Sunday Phil.

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