MUSIC

A REAL MAN'S GUIDE TO SINGING, PERFORMING, AND SINGING KARAOKE

Follow these steps and feel what it's like to be a rock star for a night

Real men don’t sing” you say?  Oh yeah?  You never sing?  In your car, in the shower?  Try telling Clint Eastwood or Frank Sinatra or the lead singer of your favorite heavy metal band that real men don’t sing.  Yeah I know, some of your heavy metal lead singers can be kind of wimpy, but others eat napalm, piss vinegar, and kill small varmints with their looks alone.  In addition, scientific studies have shown that a great male singing actually makes a woman’s clothes fall off.

Have you ever noticed that singers and musicians always seem to get the hottest chicks?  I’ll tell you why.  It’s because music ‘touches’ women.  It touches them in their heart and in their loins.  It touches them when they watch a man perform music – whether it’s singing or playing an instrument.  It gets to them even when it’s not done well – as long as it’s genuine and heartfelt.  I mean how many times have you been around a woman listening to some guy play or sing who wasn’t very good.  You may have even thought he sucked.  Then you look over at the woman you’re with and she’s enthralled and enchanted by the guy.  She thought it was great.  However, even though you don’t have to do it well for a woman to appreciate it, I’d recommend doing it well for maximum effect.

It’s true there are a lot of testicularly challenged guys playing music – guys who’ve never broken a sweat on a job in their life.  Guys who are more comfortable in makeup and spandex than in jeans with a hammer in their hand.  But you don’t have to mimic them.  There are plenty of real men who sing and perform.  You can act like a sissy in pink elastic pants, or you can act like a man when you perform.  How you act is up to you.  However, given the choice, I’d recommend acting like a man.

Why Karaoke?  Well, karaoke is usually the closest thing any of us will get to performing for our woman or a group of women.  You might get lucky enough to sit in with a band someday.  But even if you get so lucky as to play with a band, karaoke will prepare you for that as well.  Singing Karaoke gives us the opportunity to show off.  It also provides you with a fine chance to impress the woman you’re with of the woman you want to be with.  Finally, it combines our three favorite past times: sex, booze, and rock and roll.

CONTINUED - PERFORM LIKE A ROCK STAR

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