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WARNING! Not for girlie men or the easily offended. May cause hair growth and erections lasting longer than four hours. Read at your own risk!

TOP 5 REASONS WHY YOUR WIFE WON’T HAVE SEX WITH YOU

5. You’re a lousy lover

4. She already had sex with the mailman today

3. You remind her of her overweight, insensitive, unattractive pig of a husband

2. You insist on her using a vibrator – on you

1. You fart when you cum

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