What’s an article directed towards women doing in a man’s magazine? Don’t worry about it. I’m doing you a huge favor – trust me. Now do yourselves a favor – pass this along to all of your wives, girlfriends, sisters, co-workers, and every woman you know. You have an obligation to help out your team – not only for this generation, but for all future generations of men. By doing this, you will be not only be helping yourself, but all of mankind.
If you’re afraid to pass it along to the women in your life, then send it to them anonymously. Email it and make it look like it’s from another woman. Print it out and leave it in the ladies’ room at work and in restaurants. Leave it in hair salons and shopping malls. Hack into Oprah’s website and post it on the front page. Whatever. Just get ‘what men want‘ in front of them.
Okay, let’s get started.
First, no woman’s magazine is ever going to tell you the truth about the sexual needs of a man. Most women are so self-centered that they never consider the feelings and needs of their man. You know what I’m talking about ladies. Most of you don’t really care what men want.
When’s the last time you really thought about your man’s sexual needs that he’s been repressing – and thought about how he should get a medal for actually keeping it in his pants while you neglected him sexually because you were stressed, or not feeling good, or were tired, or weren’t into ‘that’.
And when your sexually frustrated husband dropped hints about the need to try something new and spice up your sex life, remember how you reacted? You probably tried to make him feel like a pervert, got angry and tried to make it all about you, or simply ignored his pleas altogether.
Also, women have no freaking idea how to keep their man from straying. They have no idea what men want. So even if a woman wrote an article for a woman’s magazine about what men want, it would be a load of crap. Sorry ladies, them’s just the facts. Stay with me though, don’t go away upset without learning what I’m about to tell you. I guarantee you, it will open your eyes like they’ve never been opened before.
Finally, remember the movie Wall Street? Charlie Sheen’s character is asked by his co-worker “Where’s your girlfriend?” to which Sheen replies: “Oh, she asked the wrong question”. His co-worker asks: “You mean, ‘when are we getting married’?” “No”, Sheen says, “’What are you thinking’?”
On the other hand, when it comes to holding on to a man, or figuring out why a man strayed, women are always trying to figure out how men think. Women are always trying to figure out why a guy left them, or why a guy left their friend, or what they can do to keep their man from straying.
To that end, they’ll go through your wallet, cell phone, personal files, computer, and of course your magazines. They’ll read all the books and magazines they can, trying to find the answer. But they never find it.
The answer didn’t exist, until now. You see, I’m breaking the man ‘code’ by sharing this with you. I’m liable to lose my man card, just for sharing ‘what men want’ with you. It’s top secret. But I’m going to take that chance for the greater good.
Oh, and you women who don’t worry about your man leaving you? The women who fool themselves into believing that their man isn’t like all of the rest, the women who believe they have the perfect relationship? I’m sorry to tell you ladies that there is no Santa Claus. You’re fooling yourselves.
If you don’t learn what I’m about to teach you, the truth about what men want, then you are in serious trouble. You’re already in denial. Take the first step on the road to recovery by implementing this plan. Don’t do it for your partners, do it for yourselves.
Of course, I’m telling you men what you already know instinctively, however you’ve never had someone lay it all out for you. Well here it is, in all its glory.
Real Men are simple creatures. They have two basic instincts or needs: eating and sex. If a woman satisfies either of those needs, we are pretty damned content. If a woman can satisfy both needs, we’ll go to hell and back for her, and back again. You have our complete allegiance until the end of time.
Let’s focus on sex, because for most men, eating comes in a distant second. Most men would give up eating for great sex, given the choice. The problem is that most women can’t, won’t or don’t satisfy their men sexually. They either don’t know how to do it, or more likely, they don’t really care.
Now men, listen to me. If you treat your woman like crap, if you don’t give her the attention she needs, if you are an argumentative putz, if you don’t satisfy your woman – your woman is not going to give a rat’s ass about satisfying you.
I know it’s not fair, but you need to take care of your woman first. Don’t give her any reason not to satisfy you sexually. Because, believe me, she’ll use that reason to keep your balls in the bullpen for the entire season.
Moving right along…
Real men have enormous sexual appetites. It goes back to the earliest days of our existence. Men have animal-like instincts. We instinctively know how to hunt, gather food, provide shelter, protect our tribe, and spread our seed.
We are designed to fornicate with any and every female in order to procreate and increase our herd. We instinctively seek out the highest quality females, but we don’t discriminate against any female, including those that have less than stellar looks. Our instinct is too strong to resist even the most mediocre female.
As we evolved into ‘civilized’ creatures, society demanded more monogamous sexual relationships. As civilized men, and for the good of society and our families, we generally stay in monogamous relationships. But that doesn’t mean that our instinctive sexual urges from the beginning of time have vanished. Hell no.
If we could, if there were no ramifications – you know like aids, divorce, or your wife cutting off your balls and throwing them out the window of the car – we’d be out there balling every women with a pulse.
Okay ladies, I’m speaking directly to you now.
In order to satisfy this enormous sexual appetite, women need to make extraordinary efforts. It’s the only proven way to keep a man faithful. What kind of extraordinary efforts?
I’m glad you asked. It’s a simple seven day plan.
Women, if you follow this plan to a ‘T’, I can guarantee you that you will know exactly what men want, and your man will never stray. On the contrary, you might even find that after you do this seven day plan, every week for a few months, he may even start asking for less sex every few days.
He’s going to be following you around like a puppy dog, in a state of drunken love and desire. He’s going to be running you baths, massaging your feet, building and fixing things for you around the house, taking you to see your parents, and buying you whatever you want. He’s going to be constantly smiling and less argumentative. He’s going to be putty in your hands.
Most women would do just about anything to get that result from their man.
Of course, even after I give you the answer to what men want; the absolutely fool-proof method for making sure he stays, many of you still won’t do it. You think it’s too hard or not necessary.
Yeah, that’s exactly what all of the complacent, aging, lonely, ex-wives thought. They thought they knew better. They thought they had men all figured out. They thought they knew what men want. They were sure it wouldn’t happen to them. That if they just kept letting him climb on top of them once a week, while they just laid there and stared at the ceiling until it was over, that their man would be satisfied.
How wrong they were, and how wrong you’ve been.
And don’t listen to all of that other crap that you hear from other women, or read in women magazines or books. You know, about how if you just “treat your man with respect”, or “listen to his needs”, or “watch sports with him once in awhile”, you’ll help “cheat-proof” your relationship. Sure, some of those things might help you get along better, but they aren’t going to keep your man from straying – not even close. Those things are not what men want – at least not what men really want.
I’m giving you the answer. This is it. It’s the A number 1, top of the heap, no B.S., in your face answer that you’ve been waiting for. Now all you have to do, is DO IT!
Without further ado, here is: What Men Want: 7 Day Plan For Ensuring Your Man Never Leaves You or Cheats On You.
Monday: Oral sex
Tuesday: Anal sex
Wednesday: Dress up in lingerie / costume role play
Thursday: Watch kinky adult movies
Friday: Experiment with sex toys
Saturday: Have a threesome
Sunday: Rest
In reality, this is only a six day plan, since you’re allowed to rest on day seven. So it’s even easier than you thought.
Day 7 is typically football day anyway so your man’s mind isn’t going to be too much on sex, except every time they show the cheerleaders, or those sexy commercials. Actually, now that I think about it, you’d better give your man a blow job while he’s watching his football game, just to be safe.
Some of you may be wondering about vaginal sex. Vaginal sex is every night. In other words, on Monday, after you give him a great blow job, if he wants more, give him vaginal sex.
Each day, in addition to the sex du jour, you will also give him vaginal sex.
You need to put every one of these tasks on your daily calendar. They should be an appointment, just like getting your hair done. They must happen every week, at that time.
Now let’s examine what men want more closely.
Monday – Oral sex: A man needs oral sex. Period. It’s like breathing to a man. Men crave it. If you aren’t giving him blow jobs, your relationship is at risk. He’ll be looking at other women and wondering what it would be like for them to give him a blow job, since you aren’t fulfilling that need for him. And don’t just give him any old blow job. You need to make it a mind-blowing, in your face, gobble it all up, blow job. Act like it’s the best tasting, most exciting thing you’ve ever had in your mouth. If you need help, go here.
Tuesday – Anal sex: Sometimes you need to get really dirty with your man. This is the variety he needs. Do it and enjoy it like it’s the best thing ever. Enough said.
Wednesday – Lingerie and/or role play: You need to dress up sexy for your man. I don’t care if you’re 300 pounds or a playboy model, you need to do this. Put on a sexy schoolgirl costume, or a cheerleader costume, or hooker costume and play the role. Get into it. Make him really believe it.
Thursday – Watch kinky adult movies: Don’t just watch them, but get into them. If you’re just going to go through the motions, then don’t even bother. You may as well just hand his balls over to the next sexy woman you see, because that’s where he’s going. It’s not enough just to watch it with him, you need to really get into it. Talk sexy about what you see on the screen. Get into the same positions. He needs to see you turned on. Take turns picking out a different type of kink each week.
Friday – Experiment with sex toys: You won’t believe the gains in sexual technology. A woman who experiments with toys is a very sexy woman indeed. If you’re not that woman, become that woman. Force yourself. You’ll thank me later. If you have the money, buy one of those real life sex dolls. You know, the $5,000 or $10,000 type that’s almost like a real woman. Then play with her together.
Saturday – Have a threesome: It doesn’t matter who it is or what she looks like, just do her. Pick her up at a bar, bring a friend over, or get her off the internet. Then pleasure each other in front of your man. Again, really get into it. Your man doesn’t even have to join in, but it’ll be awfully nice if you let him. Anyway, he’ll probably satisfy himself before you two have even taken your clothes all the way off. Nothing turns a man on more. If you want to give him the ultimate pleasure, if you want to truly satisfy him, you now know what to do.
Sunday – Rest: As I mentioned, if you want extra credit, give him a blow job on this day too. Be extra nice and do it while he’s watching the game, but make sure you don’t get your head in the way and block the screen. You’ll lose points if he misses a play.
If your man doesn’t feel like doing one of these things, for example, maybe playing with sex toys isn’t his thing, then swap out that day for an extra day of threesomes.
Also, sometimes your man might be tired; after all, he works his ass off to support his family. When he says he’s too tired to do anything, here’s what you do: substitute that day for another mind-blowing blow job. Don’t take ‘no’ for an answer. Just get down there, unzip his pants, pull it out, and start going to town.
The key is that you have to implement this plan exactly as I’ve laid it out. You need to put it on your calendar and do it everyday. This is the only sure way to keep your man from straying and cheat proof your relationship.
Once you put this plan into action, you’re man will be like putty in your hands. And isn’t that what all of you women really want?
You really want to change your man. You’ve wanted it since the first day you met. You were thinking to yourself ‘I’m going to mold this guy into the man of my dreams’.
Well I’ve just given you the secret. Now you finally know what men want. Your dreams have finally come true. All you have to do is, you guessed it, DO IT!
So you’ve come to a crossroads in your life. One road leads to getting everything you’ve ever wanted out of your life and relationship. The other leads to another sob story of how some man did what he was programmed to do since the beginning of time – a story that you will keep sharing with your girlfriends over bottles of wine while you get older and older, and you’ll keep blaming the guy for all of your troubles, even though you knew how to prevent it.
The truth is, you had the power to do something about it. But you chose not to. You could have had the life of your dreams. Instead, you decided to do nothing. So who’s fault is it really?
If you got cancer, and someone told your husband how to cure it, but he decided it was too hard, or not fair, or too much trouble, and then you died, whose fault would it be? You, since you had that disease in your system? No. Of course not. It would be your husband’s fault, because he had the power to cure it, but took no action to do so.
I’ve given you the cure. I’ve given you what men want. The choice is now yours. The choice is a simple one.
Either cure your man, or let him die.
It’s your move ladies.
